The Real 80s Baby, Part 2 – How to Spot a Fake One
Alas, there have been many that have taken my 80s baby test in my previous article only to get a passing grade.
This has brought about worldwide chaos as all sorts of fakers have begun to sprout up all over the place. I mean, it has gotten so bad that we may face the end of civilized humanity as we know it.
So to help you sort the real 80s babies from the pack of mediocre decades, I’ve compiled an additional list to show if your friend is a real 80s baby or not.
Your friend is NOT real 80s BABY if:
- He skips Magic Madness on FM radio on Fridays
- He has never used a head demagnetizer or head cleaning tape on his Sony Walkman
- He hasn’t bounced around to High Fidelity at a party
- He’s never experienced a stuck Betamax tape while watching your favorite Anna Marie Gutierrez movie
- He doesn’t know the difference between remix, extended, and 12-inch records
- He never laid a hands on an Atari
- He doesn’t know what media is inserted in the floppy drive of the computer in your basement
- He hasn’t internalized the part where Darth Vader reveals who Luke’s father is in the Empire Strikes Back
- He doesn’t know what a Game and Watch is
- His heretical belief is that Daniel Craig is better as James Bond than either Peirce Brosnan or Roger Moore
And there you have it, ten additional tips at spotting if your friend is bogus 80s baby. So the next you are in doubt, weed out the fake ones with these cold hard facts.
In addition to that, if he didn’t know that the best parties were free and held at Valle Verde Country Club or Corinthian Clubhouse, call the 80s police for a public flogging!
‘Coz if he ain’t from the 80s, he ain’t real!
Oh, if you have doubts whether your wife is a real 80s baby, check out my next article: The Real 80s Baby, Part 3 – How to Know Your Wife’s the Real Deal as it’s already out!