The Guy Beside Me

I’ve been sitting at my desk all day trying to figure out how to resolve a problem I encountered this morning.

I’ve tried checking out our solution database, the internet, and even doodled in order to extract something from the deepest recesses of my mind to no avail.

As I sit here, staring at the cobwebs in the corner of our office, I notice the guy beside me furiously tapping away at his keyboard.

I must admit, I am intrigued by this guy. Every time I see him, he is either working on a spreadsheet, complete with graphs, or working on some technical document, complete with footnotes.

I mean this guy is just like a little dynamo of work. If he were software, I’d be tempted to hook him up to a laptop just to see the different lines of code of his programming. Heck, if he was a robot, a set of screwdrivers would be perfect for me to take him apart as I tried to see how his brain worked.

He is so amusing to watch, I divert my attention to him from the itsy bitsy spider climbing up the drainpipe beside my desk. I mean, this guy’s concentration is so amazing that I am making clown faces beside him and he doesn’t notice I am around. Amazing.

Perhaps plucking a loose hair at the back of his would elicit some form of response other than the constant scowl he projects to his computer. And if that doesn’t work, maybe I can silently staple his collar with intermittent colors silver and copper as added bling to his silver watch. Or maybe I can drop a few globs of super glue on his seat as he bends over to get documents at the edge of his table, permanently connecting his to his chair. Hmm… the possibilities are endless.

Before I could contemplate further, the centralized air conditioner is switched off with a loud thud. The rise in temperature is immediate and our area heats up.

Being uncomfortable with the heat, the guy switches on the miniature electric fan on his desk. In the silence of the room, it sounds like a storm is in full force all around us.

But after savoring the cool air, he resumes his rapid typing on his laptop’s tiny keyboard.

Pausing only to flip the page he was copying, his controlled movements suddenly turn into wild arm gyrations as he tries to catch the papers blown off his desk. It turns out that he did not secure the papers properly so his tiny plastic fan took them to task.

I imagine that the ego of his fan is huge now, having found something light enough for it to blow away. If it had human qualities, it would be strutting up and down the corridor, offering people high fives with its plastic blades.

After a few frustrating moments the guy is finally able to pick up the small stack of papers that have scattered all over the floor. I do stop for a brief moment to help him out, but return to document these office scenes for bored individuals such as yourselves to visualize.

He then arranges them in a neat stack on the left side of his desk. His fan is on the right side and it’s tendrils of air are out of reach.

It is then I realize that he is not only a silent worker, but he also happens to be an obsessive-compulsive man. This realization comes to me as I watch him forcibly straighten out and flatten the wrinkled papers on his desk.

Obviously frustrated, he turns about the room, looking for something that would return his soiled papers to virginal perfection. But this is not to be. Once papers lose their straightness, only an act of God, in this case, recycling can make it new again.

He sighs in disdain, and proceeds to suck on what must be some leftover food caught between his left molars. His attempts to remove the offending particle fail miserably making him decide to stick a warm finger between his teeth.

Not succeeding at this, he pulls out the toothpick from a Swiss Knife that magically appears in his right hand. But before sticking in that tool of relief, blows a little hot air on it to sterilize the sharp implement from offending microbes which may be found in his rear pocket.

Before he can complete the deed, our boss suddenly materializes between the two of us to ask the guy to take over for another colleague, who happens to be absent today. Not wanting to displease our boss, he obliges with a wry, hair-raising smile.

Suddenly his concentration is broken by all this disturbance and he suddenly starts a conversation with me. It is as if all the noise has shattered his peaceful world.

Between the two of us, it is I who is most startled. I did not expect the master of silence to suddenly break his vow and make small talk with me.

After recovering, I engage him and we bring our brief, meaningless conversation to a close. We both return to our laptops, furiously typing away our thoughts.

It is then that I realize that 7pm has come and gone. I have been sitting in my desk for the past two hours observing the guy beside me out of morbid curiosity only to have wasted so much valuable time.

And with that, I realized that I am working too hard that I need to take some time off from work.

I hope that the next time any form of mental block strikes me, something a bit more exciting than the guy beside me would preoccupy my time.